Monday, January 7, 2008

I think I'm going to live...

My head still body still aches...but, I think I'm going to live! My husband, on the other hand, is lucky to have returned to work today. Had he not, I might very well be having a cavity search at the county jail! Couples SHOULD NOT ever be sick together...EVER!

When I am sick, I want to be alone...I don't even answer the phone...well okay, I don't often answer the phone anyway...I'm a "screener". I want my pillow, my favorite blanket, a box of kleenex and solitude. Evidently my husband (God bless him!) wants just the opposite. I have listened to him sneeze, cough, sigh, and sneeze again for five days. I'm talking blow the house down sneezes here. Don't get me wrong, I like a good sneeze, and have been known to shake the rafters myself, but his are the long drawn out ones and he doesn't believe in covering his nose and mouth (which is probably how I got this crap). Both my daughter and I have called him on this more than once this week.

The man is a nurse. He understands the effect of germs. He just refuses to acknowledge that germs come out of his nose and mouth...that must be it...what other reason could there be?

I realize that I'm probably not the easiest person to live with at times. I've been reminded of this several times over the past few days. Mr. Won't Cover His Mouth has been gracious enough to evaluate my demeanor on a fairly consistent basis lately. I keep reminding myself that he doesn't feel good either and probably needs some comforting...but what he doesn't realize is that I'm all out. All out. Don't have any in reserve. Nada. It's been buried under all this Holiday Crud he gave me. I have a lump from biting my tongue/lip for the past five days. What would normally slightly irritate me makes me want to pull the flesh off his face in less than five seconds! See, this is why I need/crave solitude when I'm sick. I find myself having fantasies of smashing a pillow over his snoring head. I don't want to hug him and tell him it will all be better in a few days. I want to tell him to go to HELL (and not come back!).

It's not that I want to be nurtured either...I just want to be left alone so I can be sick...let it devour me and spit me back days later. When I finally allow myself to give in to the usually takes a raging temperature and near collapse for this to actually happen...I REALLY need to be left alone. My children know this...and once again, my husband does not. Or, does he just refuse to acknowledge this because he gives me what he expects to get? This my friends, is a mystery to me.

This has been a trying few days for me for other reasons...I'm trying very hard to not smoke...having this Holiday Crud thing going on has actually been quite useful to the cause. But, I'm afraid it may have contributed to my irritability. I might just be thinking too much. I tend to do this...think too's the number one reason I can't sleep well at night...some nights I just can't stop thinking...and with very little physical exertion because of this stinking disease (it's now referred to as rhino virus) I'm really not tired when it's time to get to bed...then starts the sneezing, coughing, sighing, and eventually the snoring(among other noises)...that's when the urge to shove my pillow into his sleeping face occurs. I don't do it of course...the fear of a cavity search squelches that desire. So I lay there and think of other ways to do the job...have I lost my ever loving mind?! It sure feels like it.

Our day usually starts at 4:30 in the morning, but only four days a week. If I have trouble sleeping I usually fall asleep about ten minutes before my husband's alarm clock goes off...go figure. He, like most of us, has a morning ritual that he plods through VERY, VERY LOUDLY! It's not loud to him...he's hard of hearing...all other occupants of this house and surrounding property will be awakened when he has it or not. I have bolted upright from a dead sleep (on those rare and wonderful occasions) and watched deer that were sleeping under our window run for the forest in a panic from the noises that are made by this otherwise unassuming man.

So this morning, after a restless night, I of course fall asleep shortly after four only to be woken up ten short minutes later by loud heavy sighs. I won't describe the sounds that followed. I froze. Afraid to move, needing desperately to cover my eyes before the blare of the lights, I instead pulled my pillow up and around my head. That maneuver didn't really matter because my dear sweet man threw the covers off and leaped out of bed, making more noises I will not discuss along the way and leaving a green cloud in his wake. At this point I regret my decision to avoid the cavity search...I know I will not get back to sleep and I really want to do more than smash his face with a pillow. I keep telling myself that it's okay, he's going to work, all will be well, but it's not working very well. I'm still not feeling all that good. I think I need to call in sick again...but at least I think I'm going to live...and so is my man! He should only know how lucky he is!

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