Meltdown Time

I wrote a letter to a friend this weekend. He is one of my husband's oldest and dearest friends. He's dying of prostate cancer. (Encourage every male you know to be vigilant about being checked!) I wrote him the following letter because I have a gut feeling I might never see him again and never thanked him for being my friend.


Dear ______;
I haven’t known you very long but feel I can still refer to you as “my good friend___”. Life has handed you some crap recently and you are handling it amazingly! (At least from what I hear). Your reality is what it what is my friend…this you know. So many of us never say all the things we think and feel about a person until they are no longer around to hear the words. We hurry through life doing what we think or feel is important at the time…always thinking “I’ve got to remember to do this or that”…putting things on the back burner so to speak…time goes on and we forget, or never get around to conveying our feelings. You’ve never been like that…and I appreciate that about you. This is why I am writing you this letter to be sure I tell YOU how wonderful you are. You have been a joy to know and I feel privileged to be a part of your circle of friends. I know this sounds cliché, but if there is anything I can do for you or your family, please let me know.

Thank you for bringing joy and laughter to my life.
Thank you for the Deschutes experience.
Thank you for my first Dylan concert.
Thank you for all your sincere thank you cards.
Thank you for being my friend.

PEACE!

The thing is, while I was writing this I got an update from Care Pages...MiMi was informing Julian's subjects that he had gone.

My life is full of death and sadness at this time.

I didn't sleep well last night. Again! I woke up about two this morning and was unable to go back to sleep. I finally got up about four. I had a staff meeting and Story Time today.

As I drove through town on my way to work, I stopped to mail the letter. As I pulled out of the post office I had a meltdown, or started to. By the time I reached the library I was shaking and cold. My head was pounding. I decided to attend the meeting, set up my story teller and go home. Then I saw my good friend B. and that's all it took...I had a meltdown...we had a good hug and I burst into tears...the boss arrived and sent me home(not before she joined the hug). Thank you library family!

So here I sit thinking of Miss P., who recently lost her husband; D. and L. who recently suffered the loss of their unborn child; King JuJu and the family he left behind; my friend and his family, and I cry. I cry for them. I cry for myself. I really need to go to sleep for a while...I know sleep will refresh my oh so tired body...then I can work on feeding and nurturing my soul.